I'm slacking a little but I have been battling the "first year flu" business...aka every other week I get sick because my munchkins like to pick their noses and NEVER wash their hands and then maul the crap out of me whenever I'm in eyeshot. They've also started kissing me on the cheek which I think is so adorable...but then look where I am. Sick again. This past "cold" has been fun because I've been suffering body aches with a touch of slight fever. And I'm running out of American medicine...yikes!
Okay, okay, let's get to business. I think I'll start with the good first and end with the crazy. Haha, that was optimistic. It's all crazy. But we'll start with how I'm awesome first. In my 3rd grade class on Tuesday, Eva (their teacher and the one who is pregnant) has the kids hardcore pray every morning. Now, I teach at a Catholic school so every class says the Lord's prayer and the Father, Son & Holy Ghost kiss thing, but Eva has one student each week that goes to the front of the class and asks the students why they want to thank God or why they want to ask God for His help. My first few times in class I thought they would all pray for me and thank God for me, you know, something cute (my kids are so cute) but they never did and after the first four months I gave up hope. They ask God for the weirdest things too. I always pray that my family, friends, and pets are happy, healthy, and safe. Always. It's a good go-to prayer. All encompassing. They pray that their mom doesn't hurt anymore from her hangnail, or that Eva gives birth soon (and they have also prayed for gender, haha), or that they can go out of town on the weekend. Their favorite "thanks" is usually thanking God that their Mom's headache went away (and I think we all know that school can be thanked for that). I should have seen it coming, though, because if we all remember back to Thanksgiving, they could hardly think of three things to be thankful for, let alone think of new things on a daily basis. BUT IT FINALLY HAPPENED!! Last week I was drinking my water, trying to slyly put on my chapstick (they all gawk at me no matter what I do) when I heard my name in one of their prayers!! They said, "I want to thank God for giving us Chelsea and because she is here with no family and no friends so she can teach us English." My first response was ummmm....just because you don't SEE my family and friends doesn't mean they don't exist...but then I was overwhelmed with excitement because it was just so cute!!!! And then I had to pretend like I didn't understand a word they said because I'm not supposed to understand/speak Spanish haha. That triggered a chain of prayers for me because everybody wanted some attention so I also got "thank you for Chelsea spending her time with us" and "I want to pray for Chelsea and the other teachers because they are good teachers and put up with us". Can I get an Amen? Aaaaaaaaaaamen.
Besides that, my kids appreciate my looks too (and not in an inappropriate way anymore!!!) This past week, my first graders were learning adjectives...big, small, ugly, beautiful, long, short, dirty, clean. They have cute little actions to practice and now everday without fail, I enter the room, they all shout "Hello Chelsea!!!! How are you!?" and I say "I'm fine, thank you, and you?" and they answer "I'm fine thank you!!" Sometimes they like to keep saying "...and yoooou??" until I ignore it and move on. The funny thing is that every school, I'm gathering, teaches this introduction. The problem is the student's don't understand what it means. So if I say "I'm good, thanks!" they stare at me like I just whipped out some Mandarin and tried to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. They tend to sit there for about 15 seconds and then say, "....I'm fine thanks, and you?" I repeat "good!" and they stare a little more and say "....fine? you?" They absolutely don't understand what they're saying and they think "fine" is the only appropriate answer. Here's a classic example of this: one day I was walking to lunch and usually the kids wait on two sides of the hallway. One side is the lunch line. And the other side is the punished side...aka kids who couldn't stand still long enough to get food so they have to wait until everyone is done to eat. *DUN DUN DUN* So anyways it just so happens the punished kids are always the most eager to talk to me, because they're isolated on the wall with no friends and are technically not allowed to move (but when they ambush me and get yelled at for disobeying the punishment, they say they just wanted to talk to me in English...little brats. They use me but I like the attention haha). One day one of my fourth graders, Silvia, runs up to me and says hello and I say "hello, how are you?" Her response: "I'm fine thanks, and you? But.........I no fine. Fine no. I here *points to wall*...*whispers in Spanish* I'm punished...so I have to stay here. No fine" and shakes her finger at me. At that moment I vowed that somehow I would teach them how to properly converse with someone in smalltalk without having to backtrack or follow their monotonous routine. Pray for me, haha.
Anyways, I shocked the shit out of my students on Monday because I decided to curl my hair. I woke up feeling awful but I had decided I was going to try to shower at night so I could sleep in a little more. Doing that, however, makes my hair flat so I have to curl it to make it look decent (sorry boys reading this, I swear I'm done with the beauty tips). Anyways I thought it'd be good to look cute even though I felt like death and hope it evened out. So I go to class and Mondays are the day of 1st graders, who literally worship me, and as soon as I walk in they start yelling at me about my hair. "Chelsea...ees beautiful!!!" or my personal favorite is "Chelsea!! Beautiful.....jew!!" and they point to me. It's so freaking adorable. I am so worried I'm gonna kidnap a few of them one of these days and try to smuggle them home with me. They're so damned CUTE. Wanna see how cute? Check out this video. This is them practicing their adjectives with a song: (p.s. wait til they get to beautiful...and the kid on the left side in the middle on the end is my favorite kid of all...HE'S SO ADORABLE...he usually salutes me)
Do you see how I tear up literally everytime they compliment me?? They're so freaking cute. I adore them. Anyways Monday was a stressful day for them because while I curled my hair, Isabel, the other teacher, decided to straighten her hair. Her hair is usually naturally really curly so she never ever wears it straight. It took us about five minutes to get them to accept the fact that we'd switched places. Then, in another class later, one of my students complimented my hair (by that time it was after lunch and I was used to their surprise) and I said thank you but she ran up to me wide-eyed and started yelling, pointing, "Chelsea!!!! Princess!! Chelsea...jew...preencess!! Jew are preencess!!" Eva & I cracked up but all of the class got annoyed because they were vehemently agreeing. Later, we stopped by her husband's class to drop off her books and this little guy, Manuel, turns and literally gasped saying (in Spanish) "Chelsea..............how gorgeous you look today...." His tone of voice was absolutely hilarious because he was so deeply affected by my little change. So, basically, after over fifteen compliments and comments about my hair, I'm never going to leave it straightened again, haha. Princess Chelsea...bow to me ;)
Physical looks is how you get to the younger kids but I've found the older kids are a bit tougher to charm. They respond best to candy and when you level with them. My older kids love to talk and are mischevious as hell. They love passing notes and whispering and gossipping and secrets. Unfortunately for them, I feel like I'm not yet an adult, but I'm not really a kid either. I'm in an awkward phase where I want authority (so I see it as a personal challege to be nosey and confiscate all of their notes) but I still want to be their friend. Last week, Colonel Nun wanted me to explain to fourth grade about April Fool's Day. I told her I didn't know much about the history, or why we celebrate it, but that I'm the queen of pranks and I could just tell them about my pranks? She couldn't possibly want that...buuuut she did. So I spent an hour telling my fourth graders about all of the rotten pranks I've pulled for April Fool's and all of the other pranks I'm potentially thinking about pulling. It got to a point, about five minutes in, where the boys would literally stand up and applaud me after every prank and yell "another one!! another one!!!" I bowed a few times, when appropriate. They don't understand a sorority, nor the fact that I lived with 50 girls, but they could appreciate it when I told them that I prank about 20 people each year on April Fool's. They have April Fool's here, kind of, right after Christmas...but from what they explained it's more of a passive holiday where you say, like, "oh look! It's raining outside! Better wear your rain jacket!" and then you go outside and it's not. *womp womp* Or...."wake up! It's time for school!"...but it's Saturday. *womp womp* Needless to say, with the bar set so low they were bound to have their minds blown. And they were. Half way through the nun came up to me and goes "Chelsea...jew are a berry bad baby!! Jew are a hooligan!! NOW BABIES, SUT UP AND TAKE NOTES!!! Jew can use dees wit jour familees!!" Half the kids said they were too terrified to use them with their families because their parents would kill them. Fair enough. Now, every day, all of the fourth graders ask me to tell them another one of my pranks. And they know the word prank. I loooove it.
These things always end up so long...ugh. It's already time for class so I guess I'll save the crazy for next time. Hail Princess Chelsea!
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