Answer: hell if I know. Truthfully, there is no answer. It turns out that in teaching, there are a lot of questions without answers. I havve come to fear any question that begins with "How do you say...?" because of many, many awkward situations.
Example 1: Let's start with the blog title. In my class of 6th graders (this class knows the most English, which is great for me, but also a pain at the same time because they get cocky and ridiculous with it) we were reviewing the vocabulary for personal adjectives, such as kind, shy, bossy, confident, old, young, fat, thin, tall, short, etc. Then the kids wanted to know how to say "chulo". I don't even know what "chulo" means in Spanish. I've come to understand that "chulo" means cocky. THEN they wanted to know how to describe somebody that, "says 'urinate' instead of 'going pee' or 'taking a piss'..." ?? How is that a legit question?? I was completely confused. So I asked for them to elaborate. Here's their version of "elaborating": "You know, it's when a girl, instead of saying she has to pee, says "I have to wee wee" or "urinate".....you don't understand, Chelsea? Okay look. Urinate. (this is when they actually got out of their chairs to point to a conveniently located science poster) *points to bladder & urethra* see? Urinate. Like "pssssssssssssssssssssssss.....", jew know Chelsea?? How you say this?"
...WHAT?? Are you SERIOUS? (and seriously, were the SOUND EFFECTS necessary!?!)
So I asked them. "WHAT?? ARE YOU SERIOUS??" Turns out they genuinely wanted to know how to say that in Spanish. They weren't being total brats...the word in Spanish, apparently, is "fina". I think in English we would say "dainty" or ...well...I don't know. Somebody who is just very very well mannered? Regardless I don't understand why the group of 4 boys had to explain the adjective by continually referring to various idioms for urine but...I guess they're 6th grade boys.
Example #2: I teach private English lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays to a family that lives about 30 mins away. They live in a gated community (that has a pool and its own playground) that is super gorgeous and their apartment is incredible. Recently I found out that the dad, Miguel (funny right?) works for Coca Cola, which is why a.) they have their own personal nanny/housekeeper, b.) Coca Cola promotional gear is hidden all around the house, and c.) they always offer me a coke when I come over, haha. Anyways the kids are great and super sweet (one might think innocent)...but they're still normal kids so of course I'm bound to run into some situations. And I did, the third time I went over for tutoring. Miguel, their 11 year old son (funnier, right??) gets tutored for school in general for 45 minutes and then I tutor their two younger daughters Marina (7) and Julia (9) for 45 minutes together. Well, Marina is learning parts of the body at school but she only knows the basics like head, shoulders, knees, toes, eyes, mouth, nose. (if by now you've groaned, anticipating the awkward that is to come, good for you. Give yourself a pat on the back. Maybe YOU should be a teacher. I, on the other hand, walked right into this blindly like a deer in headlights). So we start practicing more in depth vocabulary. I started to make a list of words like wrist, ankle, cheeks, chin, forehead (tried to explain a five-head as a joke...didn't translate) eyelashes, eyelid, lips, tongue...(cringing yet? I still didn't see it)
Then I was blindsided. The 7 year old, Marina...little, innocent, kinda-cross eyed (but in a really cute way), missing her front teeth Marina asks out of nowhere (with a bit of a lisp) "an how you thay 'tetas??' "......??????? My eyes bulged out of my head. "How do you say tits?" Julia started giggling but still maintained her eye contact with me out of eagerness to know. I tried to recover and asked "um, isn't that a bad word??" And Julia told me matter-of-factly "well, no it's not a bad word. It's just...tetas. That's what they are". I am still trying to think of any 7 or 9 year old I know that would have the word "tits" just simply roll off their tongue. I'm inappropriate on many occassions and even I hate that word. I asked them "well...why didn't you say "pecho" then?" (that means "chest") Julia goes, "oooh.....well...I mean I guess you could. But tetas is still not a bad word." Fine fine, you win.
So I returned to our list of normal body parts when Julia interrupts and asks, "and this??" and points to her crotch. When did they turn from sweet little girls to such mischevious little brats? Plus, where do I even begin with that one? In English, you usually give little cutesy names for kids to use. So I asked Julia "well, tell me how to say it in Spanish and I'll tell you in English." She got all embarrassed and refused to say it....I was thinking 'well if you can't say it then you shouldn't expect me to tell you in English' but...I decided I would try to be "mature" and go ahead with it. So I told her to write it down if she wouldn't say it. So she starts writing "c...o...n..." when Marina (reminder: 7) yells "coño!!"
In English, that word starts with "c" and ends with "unt". It is, however, very typical to hear everywhere here. On TV, at school, everwhere. That, however, IS a bad word. Even here.
Julia immediately yells "NO!! Marina!! That is a bad word...I mean, that is one way to say it but that's not the word." Great. So Julia keeps writing "...c...h...i...t...a....there. Conchita" ??? Still confused I ask her "um, isn't that the name of a person?? Conchita?" Marina and Julia both burst out into fits of laughter and finally Julia tells me "oooooooh well I mean I have an Aunt Conchita, but it's not that kind of conchita" (Can you imagine being like "oh I have an Aunt Vagina, but it's not THAT kind of vagina"??? AHHH) So I tried to humor her when she tried to explain the origin of the word to me, which only made things worse. "Conchita...like...little concha, like the shell? They say that....IT....looks like a tiny shell."
I'm glad I got paid 25 euros for those 45 minutes of sheer, complete awkwardness. The last time I went over there I was like, "let's play Battleship, but in English". Much smoother.
So...to recap: Anytime I hear "How do you say...?" I pull out the "I don't speak Spanish" card. Because it's safer that way. Much safer.
The funny thing is that sometimes the kids don't ask enough questions. And they take the "no Spanish" rule a little too seriously.
Example: In class with the 1st graders one day, this little boy kept raising his hand and looked nervous. I kept calling on him. Alejandro? Yes? Do you have the answer? And he'd just sit there and stare at me. Then after waiting 30 seconds (30 agonizing seconds) he'd shake his head and look down. And as the questions went on, he got more and more anxious to answer the questions, waving his hand in the air screaming "yo yo yo yo yo!!!" (me me me me me!) and when I'd finally give in and say Alejandro, yes? he'd still just sit there and give me a blank stare. I tried to tell the class in general "it's good to raise your hands but if you don't know the answer, don't raise your hand" (I said it gently though...they're just 1st graders) this went on for 5 minutes and he kept raising his hand. Finally I stopped calling on him and blatantly ignored him. Finally he was squealing and squirming in his chair and disrupting the entire class, so I couldn't ignore him anymore. "Alejandro?? What??" (in Spanish, very quickly) "MAY I PLEASE GO TO THE BATHROOM??????" Isabel, the teacher, was like "yes, go go go..." then we ended up dying in a fit of laughter, realizing that whenever I called on him he didn't know how to ask to go to the bathroom in English, so he froze up and didn't know what to do. That kid FLEW out of the classroom. And by the time he came back we couldn't help but continue laughing again (at his expense) but he seemed to think he'd done something right so he looked proud. Congrats, kid, you made it to the toilet. Maybe someday you'll be the President of Spain!
No comments:
Post a Comment